Every Cloud's Got A Silver Lining?

I’ve been having a bit of a rough time for the last week or so. A week ago today I received a letter at work telling me that my post will cease to exist on 31 March 2012. Now I knew this was coming, at least I was aware of the likelihood as I’d been told last year it was going to happen. But since then there had been radio silence on what exactly was happening or when, apart from rumours suggesting that nothing more had been heard as it still wasn’t certain to happen. So receiving the letter was a bit like hearing that someone who you knew was ill and had been for a while had died. It wasn’t unexpected, but it was still a shock – and it still hurt.

The loss of my post makes me very angry when I think about it, as for a second time within my current career, the time I have spent training for my specialism has been thrown away for no seemingly good reason. Whilst I am aware that the decisions were based purely on post rather than anything else (or so I’ve been assured by my section head), it annoys me that other people within my division with no relevant experience or training are actively seeking to leave and yet their posts are remaining. Of course these people are at a higher grade, because once again the cuts have removed the remaining lower grade posts to ensure the higher still have a job.

In reality I suppose I am lucky that the loss of a post doesn’t mean the loss of my job (at the moment, although compulsory redundancies must be coming soon as the Department has to reach the 40% target imposed by the Government and they just aren't getting the numbers through voluntary redundancies, and I don’t want to be without a post when that happens). Even once my post ends, I will still be employed, but need to find a different post within the Department. And this too is causing me some distress. Whilst I haven’t yet been shown the whole range of posts available to the “redeployment pool” which will be my new home from the beginning of April, the ones which have been posted for general consumption have been insipid, tedious or generally of such poor quality that it is almost enough to induce a severe bout of depression whenever I look at them – and quite often reduces me to tears. I am hoping that once the pool is open to me there will be something with a little more quality about it, but to be honest I’m not holding my breath. I am also hoping that I can get something in London (not guaranteed as I’m classified as mobile and therefore theoretically could be posted anywhere in the country, although being frank I’d rather get posted to the Falkland Islands than Bristol – at least I’d make some decent money and get to see penguins in their natural habitat!)

Of course, neither of my specialisms are likely to make an appearance, as the IT jobs were all contracted out a long time ago and Health and Safety doesn’t seem to be very popular at the moment and most H&S jobs are dead-men’s shoes. Unfortunately the biggest H&S section and the one in London, is the one from which I am losing my post anyway.

I have been wondering whether my career would have been any more successful if I hadn’t followed the advice that the Department gave out in the late nineties that people should develop one or more ‘anchors’ – streams of specialism that would see them through their career. Maybe if I hadn’t bothered getting all that training, doing all that extra work to make myself more employable and get a better quality job I’d be rattling along somewhere in a safe job, or maybe I’d still be in HR (which come to think of it is a third specialism)RHRh.     

As if my week wasn’t bad enough I also received a lot of bad financial news too, which, when I received a nasty letter about the Council Tax was the final nail in the coffin. The despair, pain and general self-loathing which had been building up for quite some time erupted like Mount Vesuvius.

Having been in this position depression-wise many times in the past I know how hard it is to drag myself out of the pit of despair once I’m there and was seriously considering that I might need to pay a visit to the doctor (something that Moodscope has been suggesting for a few weeks now) as retreating to bed to bury my head in the sand doesn’t help to sort my finances or find me another post. But then, when I was probably at my lowest point for a long time I read a blog post by a friend, Mel, which made me stop and think.

I haven’t yet read The Fault in Our Stars by John Green as I can’t afford to get it at the moment, but everyone I know who has read it (and that’s a lot of people from the HP fandom) all loved the book and raved about how much it had made them laugh and cry, just as Mel described. And her admonition to enjoy life, along with her list of the brilliant things she had done last year made me sit down and think about all the amazing things I did last year too.

As a natural depressive it’s sometimes hard to think about the good things that have happened as the bad always seems to overshadow them. It’s hard to think about the little pleasures, the enjoyment one has taken in reading a book, for example, when everything in your future looks bleak, or you’re still holding onto the bad things that have already happened. For instance I once vaguely considered joining a dating website but gave up the idea when I reached the question which asked me to explain what I was thankful for. At the time this question was impossible for me to answer, because I couldn’t think of a single good thing in my life (I was deep in the midst of the worst bout of depression I’d had for many years at the time). I’m not entirely sure I could answer it satisfactorily now, but I could at least cobble together some sort of answer. And after reading Mel’s blog I could at least think about the good things that happened last year.

And do you know what? They really did outweigh the bad things (with the possible exception of dad’s death which was a massive bad thing).

Thinking about the good made me more positive, and that in turn made me more determined. I finally tackled all the rubbish that I’ve been storing in my flat, meaning to get rid of, but never quite getting round to doing it - meaning that I finally have a little space to breathe. It’s only a start and there’s more that needs to be done, but it is definitely a start and I already feel that I can better cope with what’s left (before I often considered setting fire to the flat just to get away from it all).

Then I tackled my finances. It turned out that there had been a series of computer errors which were fairly easily sorted once I summoned up the nerve to contact the various companies. Of course finances are still tight, after all it’s that really long month after the Christmas overspend, but at least I now know that with careful budgeting I can afford to live, although unfortunately not in the style to which I’d like to become accustomed – I really do still need to win the lottery or marry a millionaire for that to happen.        

Now I have to sort out my job, and in particular I need to write a CV and my competences. This is something that has been giving me trouble since I first found out that I was going to lose my post, but I think I’m finally ready to deal with it and hopefully with a little positivity I’ll be able to make a good enough job of it to get a decent post.

I did, for a very short while, entertain the idea of leaving the Civil Service and going to work at Leavesden at the Warner Brothers Studio Tour (which opens just as my post finishes), as it would be an ideal for job for me. I even discussed it with a few people, all of whom were equally sure that it would be a great choice for me (let’s face it, a chance to dress up and show off my knowledge of Harry Potter = heaven). But in reality it wasn’t a good choice. Whilst the job would be great, I imagine the money isn’t wonderful and I am far too old, as they are looking for youngsters who are willing to work for the enjoyment rather than the money. And with my current financial commitments I have to seriously consider the money. It was also too far away. A huge trek to get to work every day does not make for a healthy mind and body as I already know, even if you get to dress up as a witch at the end of it.      

And so next week is my birthday, another potentially depressing day when I realise that yet another year has gone by without me becoming significantly skinnier, wealthier or more loved. But whereas earlier this week the black cloud of my despair had already turned the day into something bad because of my inability to afford to celebrate in any way, my new more positive self is looking forward to it. Yes, I might be another year older and all those bad things may still be true. But it’s the start of a new year where, if I can keep up the positive outlook, great things could happen. And I know, that even without the money to celebrate in style, I have friends who care for me enough to make my day special regardless of what we do.     

The Birthday Stuff

So as I may have mentioned previously, last Friday was Mrs H3’s 30th birthday. The weekend got off to a good start for her on Thursday with a birthday party held by her work colleagues, which began at work and continued into the pub where I understand copious quantities of Sambuca cocktails were consumed. I would like to point out that I wasn’t at this celebration as it was expected to be just a few quick drinks after work. However, it went on ‘til well past midnight…dirty stop outs!

On the big day itself, Mrs H3 and I went to the O2 where we first visited the new British Music Exhibition at the Bubble. This is a fascinating journey through the history of British music from 1945 to the present day and includes music, videos, costumes (including Adam Ant’s King’s of the Wild Frontier suit and David Bowie’s Pierrot costume from the Ashes to Ashes video) and much more besides. Highlight of the trip for us had to be the dance room where we learnt to disco dance and (oh I really hate to admit this) do the dance for the birdy’s song which we could then watch back on video afterwards. Unfortunately we didn’t get to learn a musical instrument or record a song as the places were already taken and we didn’t want to hang around for too long waiting. The exhibition has an interactive ticket which you can use to log various points and then look up further details on a special account on the internet afterwards (and yes it does apparently put the dances and any other activities you’ve taken part in on there too) and also includes three free ITunes downloads. I thought this was an excellent exhibition and well worth a visit.

Lunch followed at Zizzi’s where the astute waitress spotted the flashing and giant 30 badges that Mrs H3 was sporting and deduced it was her birthday. Generously she gave us a free glass of Prosecco each to celebrate with our meal, which consisted of their scrummy cheese & balsamic onion garlic bread followed by pizza.

And so it was time to visit the other exhibition currently at the Bubble – Body Worlds & the Mirror of Time. Mrs H3 and I visited the original Body Worlds at Brick Lane back in 2003 and were interested to see the new exhibition. To be honest, although it was much better value than last year’s Tutankhamun, and a damn sight more interesting too, it was pretty similar to the previous show, and with less exhibits. I think we felt that once you’ve seen one plastinated body you’ve seen them all really, whatever strange positions they’ve been put into – although this exhibition does feature (and I really hope I’m not giving anything away here) a giraffe – and bloody huge it is too! As ever there was a section on conception, pregnancy and child birth which I had to skip as I’m far too squeamish about that sort of thing, but other than that we did spend time taking in the whole thing which took about an hour and a half to complete. If you didn’t get to the original Body Worlds exhibition I would definitely recommend it, although it doesn’t feature the plastinated body split into a series of lengthways slides which was for me at least, one of the highlights of the original.

And so we came to the evening when we joined Mrs H3’s parents, her brother and his girlfriend for an evening at an entertainment venue called Madisons in Biggin Hill. This is one of those places that features a set menu which is served whilst the bar staff entertain the customers with a few songs and dancing on the bar and serves cocktails, bottled beers and other expensive drinks. The meal was not overly ambitious, the starters were pate, prawn cocktail, bruschetta and parma ham and melon; the main course a choice of salmon, chicken or lamb shank all served with (lumpy) mashed potatoes and a dessert of either apple and rhubarb crumble and custard or vanilla ice cream. The entertainment was okay though with the undoubted highlight being at the end when they set fire to the bar and a fire eater performed. During the evening Mrs H3 was called to the stage, along with the other people celebrating their birthdays and was presented with a birthday cake that I had bought for her – a small sponge cake featuring a photo of the Hoff (who else). Home once more we finished the champagne that we’d opened earlier in the evening and chatted until the wee small hours before finally heading off for bed.

The following day saw me at work as usual, feeling somewhat tired from the previous late night and early morning (I have so much trouble sleeping in new places). This was followed by the less than inspiring England friendly match and then a meal at the pub followed by a few drinks. We had originally intended to dress up and go to Maidstone for the evening, but everyone who had told us they were going backed out at the last moment and after a few drinks we decided we couldn’t be bothered to go. Instead we stayed at the pub with Dan, Bobby and Martin and had a few more drinks before acquiring more champagne and heading home. Obviously old age (and the late night the day before) was catching up with us, along with the clocks going forward and by the time we’d watched Peter Doherty on Jonathan Ross it was gone 3am.

Sunday began with a visit to the local café for breakfast, and for me the chance to relax for a few hours as I didn’t have to work. Mrs H3 headed home for a birthday party with her family, which I attended later in the day before we headed out for the Peter Doherty concert at the Troxy. The evening was completed in style with a kebab at Lewisham’s finest kebab house. I arrived home just after 2am feeling completely knackered and very glad that I wasn’t working the following day.

The fun hadn’t finished for Mrs H3 though. Keen to continue the celebrations she and her work colleagues went to the theatre to see the musical Le Cage Aux Folles on Tuesday evening whilst I flew out to Spain to see my parents, with whom my sister and my nephew Freddie who is now 3 months old were staying for a much needed few days of R&R.

My Birthday and Other Antics

Okay, so I’ve finally recovered from the crappy viral gastritis that’s been affecting me since just after the Blue October concert. Initially I thought I’d just overdone the celebrations for my birthday – after all I did rather cane the wine over the weekend, but as the illness progressed it became clear that it wasn’t the alcohol but some bloody virus. On the bright side I’m currently 1 stone lighter than I was this time last week (although unlikely to last with the amount of carby food I’ve had to eat over the last few days in an effort to get well – we all know that carbs (and bread especially) are not my friend).

The birthday celebrations started well enough. Thursday night was Bill Bailey night and this time we sat towards the front of the stalls. Once again the show was brilliant with more than enough differences to the earlier show to keep us entertained, in fact Mrs H3 and I both agreed that we probably enjoyed the show even more the second time. This time round was the added attraction of Kevin Eldon and their Kraftwerk tribute which I always find funny, and with the show so close to ending its run Bill was obviously in buoyant mood and performed many encores before ending with that still hilarious film.

Friday night was our visit to see Jen and the rest of Rainham Amateur Theatrical Society (RATS) in Mother Goose at the Oasthouse Theatre. I still remember the hilarity of our last visit back in 2005 when I, Andrea and various members of the Sinners spent the evening watching Jen performing as Prince Charming in Cinderella and was looking forward to seeing this final pantomime. Jen was on fine form as Jack, Mother Goose’s stupid son and the rest of the cast did an excellent job, especially Dean Caston who played Mother Goose and Simon King and Andrew Stringer as the evil baron and his gorgeously ludicrous camp son. However, Mother Goose isn’t the funniest or most interesting pantomime ever and it was a little hard to get laughing, although once Andrea started, as ever there was no stopping her.

Unfortunately Mrs H3 didn’t have such a good evening. Unaware that she had never seen an amateur production of anything, let alone a pantomime it didn’t even occur to me for one second that she wouldn’t realise that it wasn’t going to be like the professional ones that we saw in December. In retrospect I should have thought and warned her, but sorry, I didn’t. It soon became quite obvious that she wasn’t really enjoying herself, although to her credit she did try to join in albeit a little less enthusiastically than usual. As for me, I enjoyed it just as much as any of the others I’ve seen, and enjoyed it more than Aladdin, and will be quite happily attending any of Jen’s future pantomime showings in the future.

Now I’d love to have done something exciting for my birthday, but firstly it was on a Sunday (not known for being the most exciting day of the week) and secondly I didn’t get paid until the following Friday and so was pretty much broke. So Saturday night was spent in the Sherwood Oak with my friends, having a meal and drinking copious quantities of wine. Mrs H3 and I took the opportunity to try out some of the weirder features on our cameras (note the fabulous negative effect on her and Lynne) which continued once I got home and opened my presents. As ever Mrs H3 shone on the present front. Not only did I get the sparkliest, shiniest converse trainers ever to walk the planet, but better still another of her handmade masterpieces – this year a rather wonderful doll which looks exactly like her (and yes I can attest that her hair looks exactly like that before all that straightening takes place) – proof positive that she can’t get anywhere near a camera without that cheesy grin appearing!

On Sunday we had been intending to go to Howlett’s as something a bit different (and Mrs H3 had bought some spanking new Cyberman silver wellies specially for the occasion), but of course the weather decided not to be kind and instead it poured with rain all day. After spending most of the morning optimistically hoping for the weather to clear we gave up and went for a nice cooked breakfast at the café followed by a shopping trip at Bluewater and a visit to the cinema to see Underworld 3: Rise of the Lycans. I really enjoyed the film, but then I enjoyed the previous two as well and it really is just more of the same. Finally we returned to the Sherwood Oak for dinner and some more wine (quite some more wine). And so my birthday was over, although I did have the Monday off just in case I needed it to recover (I didn’t).

Tuesday of course was the Blue October concert at Underworld and I was incredibly excited by the time we got there. I don’t think Mrs H3 was sharing my enthusiasm for the evening, especially once she found out that the venue was small and below ground, but as ever she tried to get into the spirit of things even when I tried, as usual to get as near to the stage as possible. The place was as hot as hell and heaving, with all 500 tickets sold out before the evening, which I admit surprised me somewhat. Whilst I love the band, I’ve only ever met a couple of other people over here who’d ever heard of them and so I hadn’t really been expecting as large a turnout as there was. Strange really when you think that in the US they play festivals and concerts to 50,000 people. There was some interest in the support act People in Planes and I wondered just how many of the people there were actual fans of Blue October and how many were just there for an evening out.

It became clear immediately when Justin and the guys appeared on stage that almost the whole crowd were there as fans of band. Everyone sang along to the songs; hundreds of hands waved in the air when Justin asked if anyone owned History for Sale and there was as great an enthusiasm for the new songs as for the old. I got the impression that the band was somewhat surprised at their popularity and the reception they received and hopefully they thoroughly enjoyed their evening. I know I, and probably everyone who was there enjoyed it too. Hopefully this will mean a quick return visit as I don’t think I could bear to have to wait another two years to see them again.

By the end of the concert we were, quite predicatably deaf and my throat was raw with my voice croaky, from singing too loudly I assumed at the time. I ached pretty badly too, but put that down to overdoing it at the weekend and it was worth it just for the pleasure of being at such a brilliant concert. Imagine then, my displeasure on waking on Wednesday morning when I found not only were my ears still buzzing, but my voice was almost completely gone, my throat was sore and I had a raging fever.

As I always do when I’m ill I took refuge in sleep – 18/20 hours asleep each day, fighting off the infection. By Friday I felt a little better, enough to actually sit up and watch TV for an hour or so, although then I seemed to relapse with a body temperature down in the hypothermic range and so it was back to bed along with more layers of duvets and blankets and the heating on full. By Saturday morning I had the added extra of dehydration, vomiting and diarroeah; something which didn’t diminish as the day went on and soon I was tucked up in bed for more sleep, although I did manage to listen to the sublime Elbow live in concert with the BBC concert orchestra on Radio 2 while I was there.

By Monday I had to admit that I wasn’t getting any better and I had to visit the doctors. It was of course sods law that it had snowed heavily overnight and there was no way of getting to the doctors but to walk – a journey which was very slow and saw me unsuccessfully trying not to throw up a couple of times en route. Then of course the doctor was late getting in and so by the time I got home again some two odd hours later I was just about ready to die. Sleep of course was the answer and for the rest of the week as well, although food was most definitely off the menu until Wednesday, when I finally managed to keep down a banana.

Now just about fully recovered I’ve finally got round to updating the blog and have just remembered that the UKS cybercrop started this evening too. So I’m off to check out the classes and see which ones I can do.

New Year and (finally) an update to my Blog

Okay so I apologize. I know I’ve been rather lax with the updates again, but to be honest I’ve been busy enjoying myself and not really had any time for writing of any description. Mrs H3 and I have been partaking of pantomimes, a film and a concert and I really wanted to do the review of them justice rather than a quick mention so I had to wait to find time to do so.

So, busy with the fun and then with Christmas, with work and play and a nice Christmas dinner at Mrs H3’s mum and dad’s house followed by presents (see the photos below) – yes that is the stunning limited edition version of JK Rowling’s Tales of Beedle the Bard that Mrs H3 bought me - and yes that is an I Love Cheryl t shirt that she's wearing!



This was followed, of course, by New Year’s Eve – not my favourite night of the year, especially as I was working at the pub (a rather slow and somewhat boring evening I felt, due to the lack of customers). It was probably not my sister Jo’s favourite night of the year either this year as she spent most of it in labour (although with an epidural and gas and air, maybe it was a good one for her after all).

Yep, Freddie James, my nephew, arrived into the world at 1.23am on New Year’s Day weighing 7lbs. I’ve just got back from a visit with mum and dad to see him so there will be plenty of pictures just as soon as I’ve uploaded them into my photo album.

Already there are a few things for us to look forward to this month: the 22nd sees a return visit to see the amazing Bill Bailey and then there is one final pantomime in the form of Mother Goose performed by my friend Jen’s acting troupe, RATS on the 23rd. Of course then it’s my birthday, so I’m sure we’ll find something to do to celebrate that…or we’ll end up down the Sherwood Oak as usual. *LOL*

While I think of it I’d just like to say a quick Happy Birthday to all my friends with birthday’s this month who I probably won’t get round to sending cards to, as I’m as unorganised as ever. Lorraine, Claire, Dolly, Pauline, Jen and KJ – hope you all have (or have had in some cases) good days!

I’ve just registered for the latest UKS Cybercrop – The Whodunnit and am on Dana Scully’s FBI team with my old friend Sharona. It takes place on 6-8 February. No idea how much I can take part but I’m looking for new Kiefer pictures to scrap as I write…

It's My Blog's Birthday!

I’ve just realised that I’ve been doing this blog for two years now so HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my blog which I started on the 15th May 2006! Wow two whole years of aimless rambling – doesn’t time fly when you’re having fun!

Disappointingly I’ve just lived through a whole week without any live music; I’ve not seen a show, been to the cinema or done anything even vaguely of interest. Of course there are things on the horizon – in fact the future looks pretty good, but my present is most definitely boring.

The one bright spark has been the acquisition of the new(ish) Elbow album ‘Seldom Seen Kid’. I already had and enjoyed an earlier album ‘Cast of Thousands’ but hadn’t really taken much notice of them for a few years. With the possibility of seeing them with I Am Kloot in Cheshire next month I thought it was high time to catch up with their newer work. I had heard (and loved) the single ‘Grounds for Divorce’ but hadn’t expected to enjoy the album quite as much as I did. I think it is probably a completely ‘me’ album. With fantastic lyrics, lush storytelling over divine music, upbeat yet careworn, dreamy and enchanting, the album is a joy to listen to and gets better with repeated listenings and I can safely say is one of the best albums (if not the best) that I’ve heard this year.

Not such a surprise I guess when Elbow are so closely linked to Kloot and have Richard Hawley doing guest vocals on a track. Perhaps it was obvious that I was going to love it.

Music will be playing a big part in my future as we’re still going to see Duran Duran on 3rd July at the O2 arena and now that Pete’s been released from jail it looks like his concert at the Royal Albert Hall has been rescheduled for the 12th (according to the NME anyway). I’m really interested in the Mighty Boosh Festival on the 5th at the Hop Farm as Gary Numan has announced he’ll be playing there and I love the Mighty Boosh; whilst Mrs H3 has shown interest in the Zoo8 festival at Port Lymphe mainly due to Chas & Dave’s appearance I think, who are unfortunately on the same date. I'm also extremely tempted by Jools Holland's upcoming concert at Rochester Castle on the 17th as Marc Almond is playing with him. All I need now is to win the lottery and I can go to all of them and the Latitude Festival that same weekend which IAK have just confirmed that they are playing (with Elbow).

But it doesn’t stop there. Next week sees the opening of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Although the critics haven’t been very kind to the film I’m sure it’ll be just as entertaining as the other three so I’m looking forward to seeing it. I’m not sure when though, next Friday Mrs H3 and I are off to see ‘Potted Potter’ a 70 minute take on the Harry Potter series. Believe me when I say we’ll go and see just about anything if it looks interesting enough!

In my last post I mentioned Diesel Park West playing at Chatham Central Hall. Fortunately I didn’t get tickets for this as the following day Mrs H3 got us tickets for the premiere of ‘Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian’ at the O2 arena. Not only did she get us tickets but she got us amazing tickets at the front, dead centre. Obviously this is going to be a fantastically star-studded event (after all it is the UK’s biggest film premiere and for charity – Great Ormond Street Hospital) and I understand that there is a dress code involved so look out for the two of us gracing the red carpet, no doubt trying to upstage any minor celebrities that may be there.

But before all this comes Chelsea Flower Show on Wednesday – the horticultural highlight of my and Lynne’s year and so far the weather forecast is looking good. The gardens … the flowers … the Pimms … ahhh the pleasure of a nice day and relaxing with the sounds of the brass band and an ice cream. Of course there will be the usual hundreds of photos uploaded somewhere on line after the event – my fabby purple new camera very kindly donated by Mrs H3 has a card big enough to hold almost 3,500 pictures – more than even I’ll need for the day!