Finally ... MCR

So it's finally here. The day I get to go and see My Chemical Romance at Wembley Arena. I'm excited ... no, I'm very excited and in 2 hours time I'll be there in the company of the beautiful Gerard and gang. It seems like I've been waiting forever - Voodoofest seems like such a long time ago now and so many things have happened since then it could have been a lifetime away.

What next to count down to? Well mum is coming for a visit next weekend so we can go wedding dress shopping with Jo, and then of course it'll be the countdown to the big day itself and the excitement of my first trip to Tuscany. Also I am still hoping for a Blue October tour sometime this year (although not while I'm in Italy please) and of course Duran Duran are releasing a new album and will be touring probably towards the end of the year. I am also interested to see who's playing at this year's Voodoofest, although I think it unlikely I'll be able to go again.

Brrrr

The weather is horrid today. Wet and cold and grey. Now remember the other day I started my walking regime. I went out straight after blogging and had a lovely walk around the block in the sunshine. I walked faster than I usually do so I was completely puffed out by the end, but managed it in about 15 minutes. I was quite surprised at how quickly I managed the walk and so once I no longer get puffed out with it I shall have to increase my walking area - expect me to be doing the whole of Walderslade by the time the real Summer starts *LOL*. Yesterday, I added walking down the stairs at work (some 230 stairs). Unfortunately, by the time I got home the rain had started (only spitting but I'm a wuss) and it put me off going for a walk. Today the weather is so dire that I won't even venture outside the door. I have ordered a pedometer though and hopefully once it arrives the weather will have improved somewhat and I'll be out and about again. Instead, I'm going to bite the bullet and sort out my kitchen cupboards, freeing myself of all those bad things hiding in there (except for my cajun stuff - 'fraid that's going nowhere).

Summer's On Its Way!

First of all I have to say a huge HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the very lovely Lisa. Hope you have a really fabby day matey!

So Summer is finally on it's way - yep the clocks went forward so it's officially British Summertime. The weather is beautifully sunny, although as I haven't been out of the house yet not sure how warm it is. Unfortunately, I have a horrid nagging migrainy headache for the second day running, the sort that really doesn't do well with bright sunshine - must be that time of the month again.

If you've wandered over to my diet blog (bet you haven't even realised it was there *LOL*) you'll have heard me musing about the eating plan (vaguely Weight Watchers based) that I'm currently doing, the Idiot Proof Diet that I'm heading for shortly and all manner of other things diet-related. On the back of this (yep I really am very eager about this at the moment) I have decided to increase my walking. Starting today (there's no time like the present and you never know it might help to shift my headache) I shall be going for a walk round the block every day (assuming schedule allows - obviously Monday nights are out). Whilst I'm feeling so positive about all this weight loss stuff I might as well make the most of it. All I need now is a pedometer and I'll soon be up to my 10,000 steps a day or whatever it is. Hopefully it'll do my weight loss some good, and might take my mind off food for an hour or so - there's nothing like dieting to make me completely obsessed with food.

The new landlord is finally due to start at the pub on Friday. It'll be interesting to see what he's like once he's finally in the pub. I don't think he'll be too impressed with me as I've booked Easter off - I'm not really bothered though, if he doesn't like it I'll quit.

Fed Up

Feeling a bit fed up today. The weather is horrid, I am having a hungry day, where I could eat just about everything in the house - which isn't any good when my diet has already been sabotaged and I'm really fed up of the stuff hanging around my house that I can't get rid of just yet. I desperately want a nice tidy lounge without bags of stuff.

I started making a list of the books I'm saying farewell to and I've already reached 150 - and that's just the hardbacks (and not all of them either). I really need to work out which ones are worth money and then work out what the heck to do with them. I just wish I could find somewhere to store all this stuff. I was even considering getting one of those lock up storage places, except that it'll cost too much and then I'd never actually get round to getting rid of anything!

I also desperately need to find a home for my shoes (I just don't think the wardrobe is going to be big enough without the shoe hanger and I can't use that as it broke the wardrobe and I haven't been able to mend it). Ideally I would love a new wardrobe or maybe one of those sliderobe things, but I can't afford that at the moment so having to make do.

Also still haven't managed to find anyone to go to see My Chemical Romance with me - and it's beginning to look like I'll be there on my own. If I can go to New Orleans on my own to see them I am sure I can manage to make it to Wembley, but it would just be nice to have some company for a change.

Last night had a good evening at Andrea's with Chris and Kim. Unfortunately, completely ruined my diet with wine and a chinese (mind you it was completely scrummy and probably accounts for my hunger today!)

I have found a site doing photography challenges (only a month or so late) and they are doing a daily inspirational word to take a photo of. I am thinking this might get me using my camera properly or at least creatively and so I'm going to have a go. Expect lots of strange photos to follow soon ...

Back Home

Helloooo. I'm back from sunny Spain, just in time for the snow. Now it's all over I can share some of the things I've been keeping secret for a few weeks. First is the mini scrapbook album that Jo and I gave mum and dad for their 45th wedding anniversary (sneaky peek above). The photos were taken from old slides and are the only colour photos that mum and dad have of their wedding. The quality of the photos wasn't great but they still look lovely in the album. I have to say that the album looks much better and vibrant in real life than in the scans. I used the s.e.i. scrapbook in a bag in aunt gerti's sidekicks colours. Absolutely perfect for the photos I think you'll agree. You can see the whole album here.

Secondly is the anniversary card that I made for them. It is a hand stitched design from the fantastic stitching cards website. I love these designs, and to do the whole thing in shades of blue added a different twist.

Finally, it was such a big weekend that it was Mother's Day as well, and this is the card that I made for mum. A simple card, but I think a very effective mix of blossoms, ribbons and chipboard. The ribbons and blossoms were from the March monthly kit from Ben Madigan Crafts which I somehow found myself subscribed to (and fab kits they are too!) and the chipboard is K&Co.'s K-ology Addison alphabet.

A Little Diversion

You know how I love a little diversion and reading Jen 2's blog gave me this. The idea apparently is a soundtrack to your life. So I couldn't resist having a go myself (of course). So thanks Jen for the inspiration ...

Itunes for life
So, here's how it works:
1) Open your iTunes library
2) Put it on 'Shuffle'
3) Press 'Play'
4) For every question, type in the song that's playing

5) When you go to a new question, press the next button
6) Don't lie and try to pretend you're cooler than you actually are

Opening Credits:
Breakfast after 10 – Blue October
Waking up:
Satan said Dance – Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
First Day At School:
Make You Feel Better – Red Hot Chili Peppers
Fight Song:
I Know it’s Over – The Smiths
Falling in Love:
Scarlet – U2
Breaking Up:
Keep On – Robbie Williams
Prom:
Vegetable Row – Cotton Mather
Life:
Blackbird/Yesterday – The Beatles
Mental Breakdown:
Heart – Pet Shops Boys
Driving:
Souvenir – Neil Finn
Flashback:
Crush with Eyeliner – R.E.M.
Wedding:
Square One – Coldplay
Birth of Child:
Accidental Babies – Damien Rice
Final Battle:
Wound in my Heart – Propaganda
Death Scene:
Why don’t you get a Job – The Offspring
Funeral Song:
Knowing Me, Knowing You – Abba
End Credits:
Ambitious Outsiders – Morrissey

Now I'm not really sure what that selection says about my life - except that I've got a lot of weird stuff on my ipod! Some of it does seem scarily appropriate though *LOL*

Almost Up, Up and Away

The countdown is on for the flight to Spain tomorrow. A few last minute bits to do and I can get packed. I'm not actually taking that much for me, but I have loads of books and stuff for mum and dad so looks like it'll be a case rather than hand luggage just because of the weight consideration. I am so looking forward to getting away for a few days, and really need to do so - for once the perfect timing! The chance to relax and unwind is just what I need at the moment.

Unfortunately, I find myself with a spare ticket for My Chemical Romance. The person who had originally agreed to go now can't make it, and so far I am unable to find anyone else who wants to or can go. Hopefully I will manage to find someone by the time the concert comes around at the end of the month, otherwise it'll be an evening on my own at Wembley.

Not really feeling like blogging as I'm feeling quite down and don't really know what to say as it's not really something I want to talk about at the moment. Hopefully more positive blogging will follow my weekend, with lots of lovely pictures of the party etc.

Strategies

I seem to be having an epiphany. I don't know whether it's the bad time I’m having at work at the moment that's caused it or my age or what, but I’ve realised that I am really not very happy with my life. Now this isn’t exactly a revelation – anyone who knows me knows that mood swings are a major part of my life and that depression is a frequent visitor. However, this realisation goes deeper than me just feeling unhappy and tearful. I feel deep down in my core as if my life has gone seriously wrong somewhere and I am annoyed and frustrated at not knowing how or being able to change it. Furthermore, I have finally realised that being surrounded by ‘things’ isn’t making me any happier, if anything it’s draining me and dragging me down.

Of course this is where my current cleaning phase (and it has got way out of hand – I even happily cleaned my cooker last weekend!), and my recent motivation to get a different me is coming from. I am feeling the need for a complete life laundry. The realisation that I no longer want to keep things like a majority of my book collection is both scary and somewhat refreshing (although what to do with them is going to be a headache as I can’t bear to just throw it away). If I was being honest I’d really like to get rid of me completely and start again too, but unfortunately that isn’t going to happen, so hopefully the changes I am making will help. I am not sure if a complete overhaul of my home and my life will make things better for me or not. But it will sure as hell keep me busy for a while, and I guess that while I’m busy doing all that I’m not busy with depression and the self loathing that goes with it.

I’m a bit worried that this may be just another coping mechanism, the latest in a long line (which is where all my ‘things’ came from in the first place – collecting to make myself feel better) and I wonder what will happen if I wake up one day feeling the exact opposite of how I feel now. Will the fact that I’ve let everything go be enough to send me over the edge for good? Maybe, but until it happens I won't know for sure and worrying about that happening is not a good reason to back off from my resolve. Whatever happens in the future, I can only try to live for today and make myself happy in the here and now, not worry about the hereafter.

Motivation

Motivation is a funny thing. If you've got it you can accomplish anything, if not life sucks. Me I've had no motivation for anything much for ages now. Work has been a big factor in this. I feel so demoralised by it it leeches all the motivation to do anything from all other areas of my life. It is getting so bad that I have to do something to elevate myself before my mood deteriorates any further and i can't find a way back. The house clearing was a start of this, but that has reached a dead-end for the moment, but I still feel the need to spring clean my life.

I've been meaning to get back to trying to lose some weight for ages, I've thought about it, I've talked about it, I even started a new blog to ramble about it in, but I never actually got round to doing anything about it. Due to a mixture of laziness and busyness I haven't had a chance to go shopping for a few weeks and today reached the stage where I have an empty fridge, an empty freezer and fairly empty cupboards. So the evening has been spent perusing menus, and writing shopping lists and I'm ready to go. This is the most motivated I've felt about anything in a while, which I'm hoping is a sign of success. I just wish I could get the same sort of motivation about work.

Bit late in the day for it but HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Mum and Gary Numan.

Another week, another round up

Well I had intended to make more of an effort with posting, but once again time seems to have got away from me, so instead I get to do another weekly round up ... and before you ask, nope I've still not done the Product Playground and was horrified to find that we're on week 5 already!

A busy, frustrating, depressing and downright annoying week at work left me feeling fretful and completely shattered, but fortunately I've had a few evenings out to cheer me up.

On Thursday, Andrew and I went to see Hot Fuzz. Everyone I know had raved about how funny it was, and even Kev had given it 4 out of 5 so we had high hopes of a great evening. I am sure that it didn't help that once again there were only about 8 people in the whole cinema and that it was the biggest cinema in the complex, but the film was a slight disappointment. I definitely enjoyed it - at least as much as Shaun of the Dead - but it just wasn't very funny. Yes, there were one or two gags that elicited a giggle, but generally it was just an entertaining movie without much in the way belly laughs as I'd expected. I did enjoy it though, so it wasn't a waste of time but since then I have had several more people telling me how they didn't think it was that funny either (always the way I guess).

Last night Andrea, Tina, Lyn and I went to the Oak on the Green at Bearsted (I seem to be spending rather a lot of time in Bearsted recently). The meal was gorgeous, although we had a very long wait for a table, even though we had booked well in advance. It is a very popular place and was completely jammed. When we finally got to our table at 10.30pm (our table was booked for 9.30pm) I wasn't feeling too hungry. However, the food was delightful, and we all managed to eat 2 courses, although there was no way, with the huge portions that we could manage a dessert. For starters Lyn and Tina shared some mussels in a cream and garlic sauce - there were so many that Andrea and I could also share! Andrea had nachos and I went for the deep fried brie with chilli jelly, a reminder of New Orleans for me. It was a huge portion and once again I was able to share with everyone else. This was followed by 10oz rib eye steaks for Tina and Lyn, a beef tornado rossini for me and the chilli for Andrea. Once again the portion sizes were huge - between Tina, Lyn and I we had enough new potatoes to feed a family of about 8! Definitely a lovely meal, and certainly a place I would recommend to others and will be sure to be visiting again in the future.

Unfortunately, such a long wait for the table meant that we almost completely missed the eclipse of the moon that took place last night. I had been so looking forward to seeing it, as I love the full moon anyway, but as it was gone 12.30pm by the time we left the restaurant we managed to catch only the last few minutes of the show.

So onto tonight and shortly off out for a relaxing drink to end the weekend. Unfortunately I have to go to work tomorrow as I didn't win the lottery again this weekend. Just hope it turns out to be a better week than the last few!